Acceptance With Joy
“In acceptance lieth peace.”
— Amy Carmichael —
As we enter this brand new decade, I’m personally at a point and place where I’m really excited about what could still happen in my life. What will God do, bring about, and work in me in these next ten years? I’m all nervousness and excitement just imagining the possibilities. But underlying even these hopeful unknowns are these sobering, thought provoking questions from God to the deepest parts of me ...
“Bethany, will you still want Me for Me even if nothing you’re expecting comes over that horizon for you?
If I never send you that one love for which you’re yearning, never give you the children you ache to be holding, or any of the experiences you dream about having, will I still be the One Who satisfies your longing soul?
Will you run hard after Me for My own sake, even if everything else seems to run dry?
Will you still believe My great love for you, even if your life doesn’t go the way you think it should go?
Will you still trust My goodness towards you, even if My plans look different from your nice dreams?
Will you still obey and love Me best, even when it seems like you get nothing in return but more of Me?”
My dad once told me that God has His ways to confront every one of us with these questions. We know what we’re after for our lives better than we know what God is after in us, and because of that He will do whatever it takes to get us wanting what He is wanting: for us to want Him more than anything else — even the good He would give us.
In His love and faithfulness, God is still confronting me with these needful questions, testing my heart and motives in ways only He and I know. This finding my soul satisfaction in Christ alone seems to be a beautiful recurring theme in my life, and I wouldn't change it for anything. I know my desire to know Him better and deeper will happen as I continue to face and walk through these hard questions with Him, through Him.
Since the sixteen year old me first entered the 2010’s, I’ve walked through an inner landscape of mountains, valleys, and wildernesses with God. He’s unearthed and uprooted a lot in me, and taken the blinders off my eyes in humbling ways over this decade. He’s still gently peeling away layer after layer, opening my heart to more of Himself, His character, and the ways He shapes and molds His own so uniquely.
Waiting upon God, learning the beauty of contentment, practicing gratitude in the ordinary, being faithful in little, and embracing the hidden life in Christ are some of the 2010’s greatest highlights in my walk with God as I look back now. I’m still walking through these things — and will until the day I die — but experience is truly working hope in me (Rom. 5:3). The thought of facing these very things once scared the restless, fearful-of-feeling-insignificant-and-being-left-behind sixteen year old babe in Christ of 2010. But walking through them only by God’s enabling grace has shown me that Christ’s strength in me can do all things — seemingly impossible things. Even accepting from His hand those things about my life and about myself that I naturally don’t like and wish were different … with His supernatural joy. And I know the now twenty-six year old me can face the 2020’s with that same blessed assurance.
I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. —Philippians 4:11-13
This “acceptance with joy” of life as it is — even while being abased — is choosing to be grateful and at peace with what’s been given, yet hopefully expectant for what still could happen.
It is trusting in God’s heart, His plans, and choosing to submit your will to His amidst all the moments of struggle, turmoil, and doubt. It’s your soul proclaiming to Him, “You know me and my life better than I do, Lord. You see what I can’t see. I submissively leave all final outcomes to You and Your wisdom and sovereignty. I will trust and obey You, even here, where I am. I will delight myself in You for You, even as I wait on You. Thank You for all You are, all the things You have given me, and all You are doing, even in ways I can’t see or understand yet. I want Your best more than my version of what’s best. Be glorified and just have Your way in me.” (Now if that isn’t an invitation to the supernatural joy only He can give and that no one can take away from you, I don’t know what is.)
It’s not having an underlying pessimistic view of God who holds everything in His hands. (“The way my life is going, why should I even expect differently?”) It’s not viewing God as a stingy parent, like a child never expecting or requesting good gifts from their father because they don’t have faith in his heart for them in the first place (“Why bother even asking? He’ll never say yes.”). The heart that desires but is afraid to ask either doesn’t truly know or trust God’s heart, or it’s traumatized by the disappointment of past unanswered prayers. Disappointed hopes do make the heart grow sick and weary (Prov. 13:12).
God’s “no’s” and “not-yet’s” are where we are tested most of all.
When God answers with a downright no we’re tempted to either “make it happen” our own way or become bitter and resentful toward Him, others, and life for not cooperating. And when God says “not yet, wait” our faith and motives are tested and tried in that uncomfortable state of limbo. We can become impatient and grow weary waiting on God’s timing and by acting presumptuously end up getting ourselves an Ishmael or an Eliab scenario (see Genesis 16 and 1 Samuel 16). Both responses delay or outright kill our growth, and both are rooted in fear and pride: fear of missing something we want, and thinking we can do a better job obtaining it. We think by taking back our control we can manage and figure out our lives better than God can. We think we’ll be safer and happier in our own hands than in His. This is why a submitted, intimate relationship with Christ and the Holy Spirit is so vital to staying on course, to having discernment. Without it, we will wander aimlessly and end up with frustration and regret, not peace and true fulfillment trust and obedience brings (Jer. 2:12,13, Isaiah 50:11).
I’m still learning how to come boldly before God and simply make my requests, my personal longings known to Him — unashamedly and unafraid (Matthew 7:9-13, Psalm 62:8). Because, hey, you never know! But you for sure won’t know if you never bother to ask (Isaiah 7:10-13).
Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. — Philippians 4:6-7
Where I’ve once fallen into resentment and despair over God’s no’s and not-yet’s, I’m learning how to accept His answers with trust and courage, believing He’s always good … and that He’s always good to me, no matter what.
I am all for hoping, for asking, and for believing that God only has good up His sleeve for me. Because He is a good Father Who cares about my longings and Who loves me more than I could ever fathom. Because He delights to give good gifts to His children. Because He is excited to use and be glorified in a surrendered life. But beyond any earthly hope or dream come true, He wants to be first and foremost, the One and Only I live and breathe for, underlying everything. And when He truly is Who I want most, it won’t matter what’s coming or not coming over that horizon; what’s happening or not yet happening; what’s different and unexpected from all my expectations.
Hands full or empty or somewhere in between, it can still be well with my soul when I have Him and He fully has me.
So going into 2020 and into the next decade, I plan on being wildly surprised. I plan on having one adventure after another, God at the helm. And I choose the joy of the Lord which is my strength, facing one day at a time with Jesus, letting Him have His perfect way in me. He will work all things together for good according to His own purposes. And He will be glorified.